Crazy as Pet Coons Over Bitcoin

There hasn’t been enough humor to go around in the world lately, but what’s going on with Bitcoin is hilarious. And everybody’s got to get into the act.

Elon Musk has his finger in the pot

And why not? Elon has an elongated opinion of his futuristic visions and heaven knows (if heaven knows anything) that Bitcoin is not among his best efforts.

Musk invested $1.6 billion of Tesla’s cash in a wild spin of the Vegas roulette wheel that could either increase tenfold or lose the whole shebang. If it turns out to be a car wreck, it will be the biggest shebang in shebang history. But Elon will shrug it off. Elon shrugs a lot.

How Tesla’s investors react may pose a different hilarity.

And who the hell is Peter Schiff?

He’s the dude who says Bitcoin Could Reach $100K After BTC Price Soars Past His Expectations. Nonetheless, he warned: “A move down to zero can’t be ruled out either. While a temporary move up to $100K is possible, a permanent move down to zero is inevitable.”

He runs an investment fund, which represents its own foot-race between the possible and the inevitable. You may or may not make money with his fund, but I’d be wary of a guy who says Bitcoin could reach $100,000 or zero—and gets a headline for the comment.

So, what is a Bitcoin actually worth?

There’s no way to know? Whatever a hyper-ventilating market says it’s worth. If you believe in hyper-ventilating stock market activity, be my guest and climb on board. If you have a bit more faith in the U.S. Dollar or British Pound, it may be because America and Britain stand behind their currencies. The dollar and the pound may go up or down a percent or two over time, but Bitcoin has been known to go up by 10,000% and drop overnight by the same amount.

Which is great for click-bait articles like “If you had invested in Bitcoin at one dollar, how much would you be worth today?” As the Bitcoin sun sets over the horizon, one seldom sees “If you invested in Bitcoin at $50,000, how much would you be worth today?”

One more hilarity if you can stand it

You can’t tuck a Bitcoin in your purse or lay it on the counter for a purchase. Bitcoin is only available for online access and in order to access it you need your password.

You no doubt recall not knowing a password? You usually say you can’t remember it and they send you an email allowing you to choose a new one. A bit of an aggravation, but possible.

(NYTimes, Jan 12, 2021) Stefan Thomas, a German-born programmer living in San Francisco, has two guesses left to figure out a password that is worth, as of this week, about $220 million.

The password will let him unlock a small hard drive, known as an IronKey, which contains the private keys to a digital wallet that holds 7,002 Bitcoin. While the price of Bitcoin dropped sharply on Monday, it is still up more than 50 percent from just a month ago, when it passed its previous all-time high of around $20,000.

The problem is that Mr. Thomas years ago lost the paper where he wrote down the password for his IronKey, which gives users 10 guesses before it seizes up and encrypts its contents forever. He has since tried eight of his most commonly used password formulations — to no avail.

Sorry Stefan, obviously not hilarious to you and many are in your shoes, with hundreds of millions out of reach.

So, do not try this experiment at home

Worthy advice, and almost always given in ventures that can go wildly awry. Do not—repeat—do not empty the family piggy-bank in the hope of a hundred-thousand dollar Bitcoin.

Elon Musk can afford to be stupid. All geniuses are allowed that small flaw. You are not a genius and can ill afford another wreck, as has happened so often to Bitcoin.

The hilarious is fun to watch, but seldom any fun to be closely involved with.

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